


Will it Ever End...?

by 8unaraMoonTimosi8



Category: OC - Fandom
Genre: Adrian is just mentally fucked in the head, Cheating, Child Abuse, Cuddling, Cussing, Death, F/M, Homophobia, Homosexuality, M/M, Overprotective Brother, PTSD?, Physical Abuse, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Sweet Moments, Threats, Verbal Abuse, alcohol use, drug usage, flufff, internally beating self up, lots of crying moments, not very good at making tags, panic/anxiety attacks, slow/quick build?, trying to find murderer, yeah even when there is no hope some arrives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 10:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14042721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8unaraMoonTimosi8/pseuds/8unaraMoonTimosi8
Summary: Adrian Maddox, Junior in high school, 17 years old, has a hard time where he lives as things get worse and worse, trying to befriend his biggest foe, and going through horrible losses. All he wants is for it all to end.





	1. This is Where My Misery Begins

“Adrian Maddox!” I hear a slam of a ruler on my desk and I look up to be greeted by Mrs. Clark, my social class teacher. “What have I said about spacing out during my class?”

“U-uh, I’m sorry Mrs. Clark, it won’t happen again.” It will happen again and she knows that, she gives a sly ‘ok’ and goes back to what she was speaking of. I think she was giving us a lesson on visual posture while speaking, I don’t really know I don’t pay much attention in this class, as I don’t much in any class. Though I am only really here to keep an eye on my sister and to be able to get away from my annoying parents.

Speaking of Alice I get a paper all thrown at me by her, she has a stern stare, I open it, it says in her perfect cursive, “Stop losing attention in class!” That’s Alice alright, I just give her a look that says ‘I will’ even though I am clearly lying she lets it go.

Class gets out and I walk out being greeted by my best friend, Kiana Emerson, usually I am greeted by her inviting face but today, I see her green eyes piercing into my soul. What did I do now? “Uh...Kia are you okay?” she pushes me into a locker, it surprises everyone. Oh no, now people are staring, Kiana what are you doing?

“What the actual fuck Adrian!” I give a confused expression. “I needed your help last night to study for test, you promised you would help me, then you kept ignoring my calls then i find you hanging out with Jett at a party!” Dammit I forgot about that…

“I’m sorry Kia I can explain-” She punches my arm a bit hard.

“No excuses! That’s fucked up!” I kind of make her back off.

“I am sorry, he made me go and I was kind of stuck, then i left my phone in my room..” I look down obviously ashamed for once again being a horrible friend. She takes a deep breathe and hugs me.

“So you actually went with him?” I reply with a nod, “I’m sorry for giving you a hard time then, I know how hard it is to get you out of the house and do normal teenage stuff, it’s no big deal/ Just one make up test to take.” The two of us laughed because we both knew how much she hated doing tests.

“So are we gonna meet at Brother Jonathan today?” 

“Find out from Jett and Nolan then I’ll say if I go or not k?” I nodded. The short emo hugged me again then went to class, She’s amazing.

I walk down the hall and I see a couple of the popular guys pushing around my friend Nolan. Why can’t things stop being so cliché? I mean c’mon, the popular guys beat the shit out of the small nerd, can it change for once? That would be amazing wouldn’t it? I walk up to them not pleased looking at all. “What has he ever done to you? Can you leave him alone for once?”

“Oh now the chestnut blue eyed twerp talks, just go off with your emo girlfriend,” Logan Brigley… biggest dick that exists. Well, his mother neglects him but y’know, you should always true to be the better person.

“One, her and I aren’t dating, two, I don’t like her that way, and three, I will be taking my friend and we will be leaving thank you.” I grabbed Nolan’s arm and we walk away.

“I-I could have stood up for myself this time I swear, if you just would have gave me a chance I-”

“No Nolan. You wouldn’t have, then you would have gone home beaten up and I would be in trouble for not helping you.” It was the truth, his parents now even force pay me to protect my own friend, that I would protect anyways. He says no more and we go and search for Jett, of course when we do find him, it’s him flirting with a group of the popular girls. “C’mon Sullivan enough flirting, we have important things to do!” The girls all give me this death stare. Jett chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“Later ladies I have some better things to do at the moment.” He waved and walked over to us, the girls glared then walked away. “Meeting at BJ today?”

“As long as you don’t bring your dumb basketball buddies this time.” Last time he did that Kiana was so pissed, she looked like she was gonna kill him a week after that, scared the shit out of all of us. I think it made me learn that she’s not my type in general either. To violent for my liking, I want a girl that’s sweet and has matters and is adorable.

“Oh I learned my god damn lesson after that, I don’t want anymore of those terrifying stares from Kia.” He’s completely right.

“I think the whole school learned to not mess with Kiana Emerson.” The three of us laugh then the bell rings, so we each split ways and head to class. 

On my way to History class I see Logan and a random chick making out, even being very touchy, Jesus are they gonna have sex right in front of 30 other people?

“Get a room Brigley!” I look to see who yelled that and I see Caleb Bencook. Logan’s best friend, also the biggest pervert in this school. The girls best friend calls out.

“Oh shut up Caleb you just want a piece of her so just back off!” He flipped her off and so did Logan, the girl Logan was currently making out with seems displeased by this and walks away with her friend. Caleb and Logan see me watching the conversation.

“Want to have a gay threesome or some shit Ryder?” I don’t know how this guy found out my middle name, or why he calls me that.

“What? I- No, Logan. Be mature for once, you were making a seen and had probably 30 people staring so why just pick on one?” Logan shoots me daggers with his oddly bright amber eyes. Why am I paying so much attention to his dumb eyes?

“Well it sure seems like you want something out of me, fuck off I’m not gay you fag.” He pushes his light brown random hairs form out of his face. Why am I still staring?  
“Excuse me, for one I am not gay, and for two I want nothing from an unworthy prick like you.” I flip him off and turn to walk to class.

I need to stop staring at him, what am I gay? Hell no.

 

“Who does he think he is?” I pace, taking a hit off of Caleb’s joint then handing it back to him.

“I dunno man, he’s probably hella gay for you so he’s trying to get down your pants,” I look at him, I want to punch that idiotic face in but I’m better than that. I think.

“No man, he can’t be a fag, as much as I would like to say that he is, he for sure has the hots for that emo bitch.” 

“But do you know that for sure? What if he’s doing that to mess with our heads, then UP your ass he goes!” I punch him in the are pretty hard and he just laughs. “C’mon man it’s funny, I’m not actually thinking that. Just messing around with you.” I roll my eyes. 

A whole different thought comes to my head, and unfortunately I don’t know why, it’s Ryder. Well Adrian. I’ve never seen him smile. Does he even smile? I’m gonna say he only does it around Alice. How is such a grumpy, socially awkward guy twins with such a bright innocent girl? Doesn’t make sense. Never will. I just noticed when I was bullying his buddy earlier I called him the ‘chestnut blue eyed twerp’ well he does have those annoyingly bright blue eyes. They’re nicer than my boring amber ones. Wait wait wait… snap out of this Brigley. I was NOT just fantasizing about a dumb guys eyes. That’s ridiculous. TO ridiculous. 

“Are you actually thinking about him now?” I look at him “You can do WAY better than be a fag Bridge.” I wanted to punch him so hard.

“No dumbass I am not a fag! Don’t you EVER assume that I am that! If you do again, you’re gonna have the lights knocked the fuck out of you, understand?” Caleb just looks at me.

“Damn for not being like that you seem very sensitive about that, but whatever Bridge.” I am done, I get up and grab my bag, I walk past him, purposely bumping into him. I feel his glare as I walk away. 

Father I am not gay. I swear. Please don’t hurt me.

 

“Adrian stop spacing off for one second please, you almost got hit by a damn car!” I did? Who said that? Kiana? 

Kiana it was as I’m being pulled up from being on the sidewalk. What happened even? “U-uh.. if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly happened?” I see Kiana, Nolan, and Jett all giving me this dumbfounded expression.

“Man you were just in another one of your wonderlands, we stopped because traffic was passing by before we crossed, then before we know it your dumb ass never stopped, you just kept walking, then you passed out when you got all the way across.” Jett says. Wow this is the worst it’s ever been, before I know it I’m gonna probably be dead because of the shit drivers around here. Wonderful.

“D-Damn, I’m sorry.” Jett hugs me. 

“What was it about this time?” Nolan asks me. What do I say? I never pay attention enough to remember… Well I do remember screaming.. and a girl screaming out my name… gunshots.. that doesn’t sound pleasant once so ever so I’m gonna lie, that sounds good.

“It was just the normal, Logan coming along and ruining everything.” Kiana chuckles.

“He does that anyways Adrian.” I nod. 

“He does doesn’t he?” 

We continue walking our way to Brother Jonathan Park, right next to my favorite beach, Pebble Beach. I’ve only lived here for four years while my friends have been here since birth, but within these four years I have made memories that I wouldn’t want with anybody else, or to make them anywhere else. Even though I miss having really cool stores and places to go, the small area is decent, at least to me it is, for Kianna though she says as soon as she graduates she’s moving to L.A. Like I ever want to be in that area again, to visit it’s fun but to live there isn’t my cup of tea. Though I don’t even like tea, I’m more of a coffee person. Cliché I know.

Anyway, at this park is where I first met Kiana. The story is that she was with some of her other emo friends smoking pot. Then they betray her and take her bag and phone and stuff while she was in the bathroom. Why was I there? I just moved there and got myself lost while I was exploring. I live only a few blocks away but still. I saw them taking her stuff and then they saw me and ran, Kiana came back out to see that her so called friends, and her stuff was gone, she looks at me and I tell her that they took the stuff, then saw me and ran. I then apologize for not going after them like I should have. She gives me a friendly smile and tells me not to worry about it. Which is a huge social reliever for me. We talk for a while and then before I know it I have my first friend.

It still brings unknown joy to me that we have been friends for this long. My parents don’t approve of her and call her the slutty emo, but whatever I don’t make it a big deal because I know that she isn’t what they say she is, shit they’ve never actually officially have met her. Alice has, and like I thought she thinks nothing bad of Kianna, she’s even the one who makes a fuss when our parents call her names.

We finally make it to the park and we hang out in the grass and eat snacks, talking about random bullshit. Then Kianna asks the three of us who we like. 

“Oh wait wait wait, we ALL know who Mr. Nolan Jameson likes.” Kianna says, the three of us smirking at him.

“Amanda Moore.” We say it at the same time and Nolan starts to blush. Amanda Moore is a cute nerd who is kind of reserved, it’s like she’s in love with school because all she does is read a the library and study. Also of course do homework, though she is reserved she does talk to Nolan and Nolan only at times. 

The four of us laugh and Nolan punches Jett in the arm. “Ok, Jett who do you like?” He thinks for a moment then speaks.

“Adrian my dear friend, I am in love with your sister.” You have GOT to be kidding me, I look at him and he starts laughing, then I feel relieved. “Just kidding man I still like Samantha McClain.” 

“That cheerleader? C’mon you can do better than that one.” He pushes me.

“Whatever at least i actually have a chance with a girl.” Ouch. I was expecting that but it still hurts to hear.

“So you’re saying he has a chance for a guy instead?” Kianna says, the three of us her.

“What the hell? No!” I shove her.

“I know, I know, I’m just messing around.”

“So, do YOU like anyone?” She freezes a bit then looks at me.

“Yes, but for now I am not speaking a word of whom it might be.” We all give her a look of confusion.

“Ok Emerson.”

We all talk and fuck around for a couple hours, then I get a text from Alice, ‘Dad wants you… and he looks mad.. I’m sorry..’ Great just what I wanted.. 

“Hey guys I gotta go..” 

“Aaawwww but why?” Kiana looks at me.

“I swear if it’s because of you dad-” Nolan starts.

“Bingo.” They all look down.

“Sorry man..” Jett says, hugging me, I of course hug back, then I let go grabbing my bag. 

“It’s whatever, it is what it is. I’ll talk to you guys later.” They all know how much I hate talking to my father. They always feel bad for when I am told that I have to talk to him. I honestly feel bad for myself. I can’t stop it though. I am there to obey and nothing more until I’m set out to the big world on my own. Let’s just hope it isn’t about my grades or anything I guess.

I walk down the road seeing the normal old buildings I see everyday, nothing different, same old thing. Will it ever bore me? No, because one day there will be something different in one spot and it will be buried into my grave fascination. 

The thing is, I did not expect that day to be today. I slowly walk up to y house to find it being surrounded by police vehicles. 

End of Chapter One


	2. Do You Have to be Everywhere I Go?

Confusion corrodes me, what have I done to make the police have to arrive? I’m not this bad...right?

   Or has my mother finally decided to give us up for adoption. No she wouldn't do that, she uses us for money. I see threw the window of the kitchen, the dirty dust filled window, and all I see is a policeman talking to my father. I go up to the back door, and the usual creepy feeling sets in since we haven’t cleared the spider webs for ages, I go inside and I am greeted by my fathers unpleasant glare.

  “What have you done this time dad?” If police weren’t here he would have hit me, I know it for sure because he does not, once so ever accept my attitude, and the punishment is either getting hit, or sent out to work on the damned garden for an hour. Which is the usual punishment for Alice, since my mother does not believe she should be hit like that. Anyway she doesn’t give them attitude or sass, she’s the sweetest thing on earth even if it’s to the most cruel person I know. I myself am even terrified of him, I am ashamed of it but it’s hard not to be terrified. My reasoning for my feelings towards him is not just because he is a stubborn and mean asshole, but when I was younger my mother took Alice to a dance recital, I was alone with him and of course drunk, he scared me straight by pulling a gun out and saying if I ever disobeyed, a bullet would probably make me drop dead. At the time it gave me nightmares every night and I was way too afraid to tell anyone about it. I know he wouldn’t even think about doing that. For one he doesn’t want to go to jail, and for two he needs me alive for money.

   “I haven’t done anything actually, You are the one who has done something this time.” What have I could have possibly done so bad for my father to call the cops on me? What did I do, ‘disobey master’? 

   “What did I do?” He gives me a look, then pours out my old backpack, and in it, the most illegal of drugs. Those are for sure NOT mine, and my dad must be a real dumbass to think that it is, yes it is all in MY backpack but honestly around here that doesn’t mean anything.

   “That’s not mine Mark, and you know that.” He glares at me.

   “I am your father to you, you have no permission to call me Mark.” 

   “Well you have no permission to accuse an innocent boy, your OWN SON for using hardcore drugs.” he gives e a look that I cannot read. Is he jealous of my comeback? Is he planning my death date? Is he filled with anger and wishing the police weren’t there so he can beat me? He’s probably thinking all but the first, the first is just me being smart. “You have no evidence that it is mine. Yes it’s in my old backpack and was possibly in my room, but you could just be sneaking your drugs into my bag so it isn’t your fault when it gets found.”

   “Nice try Boy, but it is not mine.”

   “Are you sure you didn’t get it from your little friend on Rio street?” I grab one of the bags showing the typed out address on the small tag.

   The policeman finally steps in, “Alright, we’ll look further into this but for now we will be heading to arrest this drug dealer,” He gathers up all the bags of drugs. Then he and the others take their leave. 

   Before I can take another breathe I watch my fathers fisted hand raise in the air, it comes at me full charge then the door opens and as I step back he freezes. 

   There stands Alice, practically my savior as she drops her bag and rushes over to e and hugs me tightly, tears forming in her eyes. My father looks at us then turns and goes into his and our mothers room.

   “D-Did he hurt you??” Alice asks me, she has full blown concern in her voice. I pet her head and give her a reassuring smile. I only ever smile for Alice. Sometimes Kiana is she does something utterly stupid that I can’t help but crack a smile.

   “No Ally, he did not hurt me, you came in at the perfect moment.” she lets out a relieved sigh and just hold onto me. We sit down on the couch together.

   “I-I’m sorry that he always hurts you, I wish I could stop him but I don’t want the consequence for trying to be that you get hurt more…” she looks down, ashamed of herself because she can’t help me, I watch as random strands of her chestnut brown hair fall in her face. 

   “Hey.. Ally it’s ok, I kind of deserve it anyway for being an asshole.” I take the strands and put them back behind her ears and she looks at me.

   “What if one day he hurts you really bad?” her voice was shaky as she said those words, I think for a moment then just smile.

   “I’ll be ok. I promise.. and if something does happen, I will just be happy that it’s me and not you, because my only job is to make sure my sister never gets hurt and it will be my only goal to protect you for forever and always.” I kiss her forehead, and then I get her smile that brings me joy. “There’s my pretty, smiling, blossom.” She smiled brighter.

   “I wouldn’t want to be here if I didn’t have an amazing brother like you.” she rests her head on my shoulder and I hold her close to me, running my fingers through her hair.

   “I’m glad I can fulfill my destiny of being a good older brother.” she just smiles, we cuddle and just talk about our day, my moments with Alice for sure take a lot of my daily stress away, I honestly don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her in my life. Soon she falls asleep and I pick her up, taking her into her room and tucking her into bed. It was getting late so I thought I should go to bed myself, as for I have tutoring work tomorrow, I think I’m even taking Alice with me. That will be nice.

   I do my normal every night routine, if I haven’t eaten,I eat, then I either shower or just skip to doing whatever homework I have, then if I don’t have much I just draw or do whatever when I am bored yet not tired. Yep my life is exciting isn’t it?

   “Logan, how about you just shut the hell up, and go spend the night at Caleb’s or some shit?” Of course. My mother has once another boyfriend that she has more interest in then her own son, she stares at me with her red eyes, she’s high, drunk, all of the above. Yep this is my life.

   “Yeah whatever, I don’t care.” I grab my bag. I do care though. I don’t let myself care, but to avail, I still care and have feelings like any other human being.

   I text Caleb, but no answer like usual because he doesn’t actually care about me, nothing from Samantha, meaning she’s drunk or high, Jett never usually answers text so I call him… which I get nothing in return. I try every other friend in my contact list, nothing.

   I leave and walk the cold, empty streets, every now and then there’s commotion of dogs barking or people just being stupid. I live on the street where the small elementary school Mary Peacock is, so I must have been walking for a while because before I know it I’m in front of the small liquor store a few blocks away from the middle school. I have honestly always wondered why the put a liquor store nearby a middle school? Not very smart to be honest, and soe pretty sketchy people live around here as well.

   I walk in, just to get a candy bar or something, I’m not in much of the mood for alcohol even though it sounds nice. I grab something then go to the counter to see a women I’ve never seen work here before, she must be new, those blue eyes… they remind me of someone, same with the dark brown hair. She snans my single item and I pull out my cash.

   “If, if you don’t mind me asking, you are new here correct?”

   “Not at all new to the area, but new job yes.” she takes the money and gives me my change.

   “And what shall your name be?” she looks at me then smiles, that smile reminds me of someone as well. It’s a beautiful smile I can’t deny that.

   “My name is Juliann Maddox, You might possibly know my children Alice and Adrian Maddox.” My eyes widen, SHE is their mother?

   “You’re Ryder’s mom?” she nods.

   “You know him? Are you two friends?” I shrug, if it was anyone else I would straight up decline. 

   “We talk at times.” she nods and looks at my bag.

   “Going to a friends house?” I shake my head, why lie?

   “Probably gonna go sleep on some bench.” she gives me a concerned look and shakes her head. Yeah I know I disapprove of myself as well join the club.

   “I know I just met you but I am not letting you freeze to death out there.” Is she making me stay at her house? It’s a nice gesture to be honest, I know I wouldn’t have gotten this from anyone else. Now I know why Alice is so damn kind.

   “I can’t really prevent that now can I?” she gives me a look then starts shutting things down. Is she serious?

   “Then you can stay a night at my place, I mean it’s the least I can do for the boy that saved my daughter.” she… she remembers that? I knew she knew me but I didn’t think she would remember that…

   Short story, what happened is that I saw her and Alice at the docks maybe three years ago, they were walking casually and a car was turning a corner way to fast, Alice was right in the line to be hit, I could NOT watch a girl get seriously injured or die so before I know it I run up and pull her back before it hits her. Then I was known as her savior. 

   “You.. remember that..?” she looks at me and smiles.

   “Of course I do dear. I am still always grateful for that gesture.” I showed  a bit of a smile, then before I knew it I was walking down the street with her.

   “Do you not have a car?” I ask.

   “Oh I do but I just live in that house on the corner of 9th and D street.” oh wow she lives there? I wonder what Adrien will think of me being there. He’ll probably instantly put me on his death list, but who doesn’t besides Julie and Alice?

   We get inside, there kitchen is small, then the rest is a bit more roomy, nice wood floors in the living room, unfortunately for them, only one small bathroom. She spends her time showing me around and showing me what cupboards had snacks in it if I got hungry, she’s way to nice...I wish my mother was like that..

   I awake to hear my mother speaking to someone. I get curious and get up, stiff still from before being in a deepish slumber. I crack my door open and peek out, I see a figure a bit taller than my mom, I listen in. No.

   I open my door all the way to see Logan Brigley, in my own living room.

End of Chapter Two


	3. Please Don't Hurt Me Again...

“No way.” My mother and Logan look at me.

   “Yes way, you aren’t the boss. His only other option was to sleep out in the cold.” my mean side then kicks in.

   “Then let him freeze.” her mouth gapes open. 

  “Adrian! That is no behavior I am going to accept, I could tell your father and see what he thinks about your attitude now do you want that?” I feel my legs start to shake, my own mother, the one I trusted, just used my abusive father as a threat towards me.

   “N-No… I… you just d-don’t know-“ she stops me, now I’m shaking. I see Logan give me this look of remorse.

   “I don’t want to hear it Adrian, now if you give him any shit, I will be telling your father.”

   “But-“ she walks to her room and opens the door.

   “Goodnight!” She closes the door, I’m about to break down. I want to go to Alice but she is sleeping and I never bother her when she was sleeping. Logan looks down rubbing the back of his neck.

   “Hey… I’m sorry man…” I shake my head.

   “It’s whatever.. it doesn’t matter. Just..” I shake my head again and turn to go back in my room. “Sleep well cuz you’re gonna pay your stay tomorrow.” I go back into my room and close the door, I lay back in bed. What have I done? Now I’m gonna be stuck with him tomorrow, great… I lay there spacing off, in my own world, thinking of the perfect life. Soon before I know it all I see is darkness.

   I feel bad for him.. his own mother using his father as a threat… he went pale even.. I shouldn’t be such an asshole to him like damn after finding out how he’s treated at home. I really am a dick aren’t I? 

   Julie gave me a pillow and a blanket to sleep on the couch, I lay down and situate myself. I wonder what Adrien is going to make me do tomorrow. Am I going to stay more than one night? I don’t know, I should focus on sleep but I can’t. No matter how hard I try I just can’t… for some reason all I can think about is Adrian. Has his father hurt him bad? I hope not.. for me I am not abused I am just neglected. I usually would have never thought I would be caring for Ryder, never at all. So this for me is a surprise. 

   I am just stuck in my thoughts for I don’t even know how long, I don’t even notice the darkness that follows my thoughts.

   I am woken by Aiden’s sweet voice. Wait. Did I just say sweet? I must be fucked up for sure. 

   “C’mon man we have shit to do.”

   “We can’t be late..” the other voice, Alice? She hasn’t spoken to me in forever so it’s hard to tell. I finally sit up, hair a mess. 

   “I’m up… sorry.” me saying sorry caught Ryder by surprise for sure.

   “Did Brigley just say sorry to Ryder? Wow you really must be in a bad place to do that.” I glare at him, he doesn’t know anything so he better shut his own damn mouth before I shut it for him.

   “I was trying to be polite since I am in your house.” he just laughs and tells me to get ready. 

   I do as told and when I come back out from the bathroom there’s Julie cooking and food at the table, Adrian and Alice are already eating, and their father had coffee and a newspaper, Julie tells me to sit and I do, but I feel a cold stare from Adrian’s father.

   “Who might you be?” I look at him.

   “I am Logan Brigley. I go to the same school as your kids.” He nods.

   “Are you with my daughter? Or my fag son even?” That hurt Adrien and he looked down, starting to shake.

   “No father he is just a friend who needed a place to stay.” Alice says. 

   “Well he has to prove his welcome.” He glares at me one last time and got up getting ready for work.

   “He’s an asshole.” Adrien says as he gets up and puts his dishes in the sink.

   “Adrien Ryder I will tell your father that you’re using that language towards him.” Adrien looks at her pale.

   “Do it, all I do is get beat anyways.” she tells him to just get ready and that she doesn’t want to deal with his attitude.

   I feel so bad for him.. Alice goes and takes a shower so I go and knock on Adrien’s door. 

   “Who i-is it..?” he sounds miserable..

   “It’s me, Logan.” he opens the door, he’s super pale and looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.

   “What the hell d-do you want?” 

   “I wanna say sorry.”

   “Sorry for my father being abusive and my mom using him as a threat?” I shake my head.

   “No, sorry for adding to your everyday stress. I’ll leave after we do whatever we have to do today.” He nods, I know he hates that I’m here.

   “Just be ready, you’re going with Alice and I to tutor middle schoolers.” Great. That’s gonna be wonderful. I’m gonna be stuck with Adrian, his sister, which isn’t that bad, and a bunch of middle schoolers. Honestly I’m probably used as a bad kid example at that damned school. Especially because this town doesn’t have a single clue what the hell privacy is. I sit on the couch while I wait for the two to be ready,

   I check my phone to see many messages, some from Caleb, Samantha and a few other people. Samantha’s messages are what piss me off. ‘I’m so sorry baby, I was at a party at Caleb’s house. You should’ve came, I love you boo!” she was at a party at her ex’s house. Her EX’S house. Yes Caleb is my best friend but he tells me nothing of her being at one of his parties. I don’t even respond. I swear if that girl is cheating on me there are going to be some problems. BIG problems.

   I sit on my bed. Reconsidering my life decisions. The one job I love is now going to probably be ruined since my mind decided it was an absolutely splendid idea to bring Logan Brigley along.I hear a knock on my door and I answer, there I see Alice’s smiling face, the one that can always bring me out of a bad mood.

   “Are you ready slowpoke?” I smile and nod, and out of the corner of my eye I see Brigley staring at me like I’m an alien. We leave and start our short walk for the school.

   “So you smile?” I glare at Logan as he laughs.

   “I won’t be for you anytime soon.” 

   “So? I’m not your girlfriend.” 

   “I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

   “I know that.” We get to the campus and go to the 8th grade floor to the english teachers room, Mrs. Covek. She is a kind teacher and of course my favorite, I’m just lucky that she is the one who runs the tutoring program.

   “Good morning Mrs. Covek!” Mrs. Covek and even some of the 8th graders waved.

   “Good morning Adrian, Alice, and Brigley.” she gives Logan a look.

   “Morning Covek.” he said it rolling his eyes. We start the tutoring, Alice is tutoring one of the popular girls, Grace, she doesn’t listen at all or do any of the work so she is gravely behind, Logan is working with one of the popular boys, Samuel, he causes disruptions during every class and refuses to do his work. I am working with this sweet girl named Emily, Emily Young. The sweetest girl here I know, she is VERY intelligent but just goes to tutoring so she can get extra honor points. She’s going to be one of those girls that get a bachelor's degree at Yale or something and I’ll just be proud saying to myself ‘and I helped this young women when she was in eighth grade’. An hour into the three hour session Logan and Samuel are being complete idiots. Ugh. 

   “Can you actually help someone for once?”

   “Actually no, Ryder I think I can’t, but y’know it was your choice to bring me here.” I look down. 

   “You need to pay your stay somehow.” Logan groans.

   “He’s your friend?” Emily asks. I look up at her.

   “No but he has nowhere to stay so my mom is having him stay with us.” Emily gives e a look that probably says ‘I feel bad’. Yes, I even feel bad for myself.

   “Well, at least every Tuesday, and Thursday you get to rant to me.” I nod, even though she is a year younger than me she is an amazing friend to have. I enjoy our little corky conversations.

   “Yes you are correct, and I am glad of that fact.” she smiles, she’s always so cheerful and always has a great attitude even when she is stressed. I wish I could be like her, well, a male version of course because I like being male thank you very much. 

   We talk, work, and goof around for another two hours then our time is up and we take our leave, then it just reminds me of how pissed I am at Logan.

   “Why did you do that?” he looks at me.

   “Why did I do what?” 

   “Don’t be dumb, you know what you did.”

   “I couldn’t help it, I can’t tutor worth shit so I went to my next best thing.” 

   “Being a retard.” Logan and Alice gasp.

   “Adrian Ryder Maddox!” Alice yells.

   “I am very ashamed.” Logan adds.

   “Mrs. Clark would be disappointed in you!” both Logan and Alice laughed and I flipped Logan off.

   “Fuck you Brigley.” 

   “I am sorry, but I am not gay.” I am SO close to punching him in his no good annoying stupid face. 

   “Are you wanting me to punch you Brigley?” he pushes me.

   “Maybe I am if I don’t punch you first.”

   “Alright do it I dare you.” 

   “You sure? You might be out for a bit.”

   We argue about this for a while, it becomes a verbal fight, I wanna get out of it, I NEED to get out of it, is there a possibility Logan will drop it? No. There isn’t.

   Before I knew I saw a fist raised in the air.

   I get horrible flashbacks of my father, oh no, he’s going to hit me.

   I fall to the ground trembling and covering my head. “I-I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me again! I-I don’t want another beating please!” 

   I watch him there...shaking and terrified like a small child in distress...I am a horrible person.

End of Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I don't do summaries, I don't do them because my brain can't think of a way to summarize the chapter but whatevs hope you guys are enjoying this.


	4. And Just Like That, My Sunshine has been Covered with Clouds

   “I a-am… so sorry…” Logan says. Helping me up and immediately pulling me into a hug. So he isn’t a complete asshole. I stand there unknown of what to do. Logan lets go and steps back to give me space, I can clearly see how ashamed of himself he is.

   “It’s fine.. I shouldn’t have pushed your nerves and should have just dropped it.” Logan nods. We go back to the house and things go smoothly from there, my dad didn’t get home until late at night since he has work. 

   Now I lay in my bed, thoughts going through my head quicker than they should. ‘When is he going to leave?’ ‘What caused him to come here in the first place?’ ‘Will we always be sworn enemies or is there hope?’. I wonder if he is in a secret relationship with Alice. Goodness if he is we are going to have a LOT of problems. I don’t think he is, especially because he is dating Samantha McClaine. I’m pretty sure those two like each other a lot, since they have their tongues in each others throats almost every passing period. 

   I wonder what his thoughts are about me, absolute hate for me? Wishing that I didn’t exist? Probably something within those lines. 

   I am so kept up in my thoughts I didn’t notice my door open. 

   “Adrian..? I didn’t know you would still be up.” Alice stands in my doorway, I look at her then my alarm cock and notice that it’s 2:00 A.M.

   “Why are you up then?”

   “I-I had a nightmare.. And wanted t-to ask if I could stay with you for a bit..? I-I mean if that’s too childish of me I-I understand-” I stop her and hold my arms out.

   “Ally it’s ok, your brother will always be here when you need him no matter how old we get.” she smiles and sits on the bed and I hold her in my arms. “So do you care if I ask what the nightmare was about?”

   “N-No...I’d rather not… I don’t want to remember it.” I nod and pet her head. She snuggles up to me and I can’t help but smile. I love her so much and I’m so thankful to have this silly, sweet, girl in my life.

   “Adrian?” she looks into my eyes. Hers glow with life, while mine are probably dull. 

   “Yes?”

   “I love you.” she placed a soft kiss onto my cheek and I smiled.

   “I love you too Alice.” We cuddled and talked. Soon we laid down and she refused to leave my side so she slept with me for the night. Soon we both fall into a peaceful slumber.

   I wake up to what I woke up to the day before, Adrian’s voice.

   “Get up and eat sleepy head, or I’m going to eat it all.” I sit up and rub my eyes. He goes into the kitchen and sits at the table, soon I follow suit. Their father is there once again, and again I am feeling his cold stare. No words were said besides Alice and Julie’s random babbles about anything and everything. The three of us get ready then Adrian goes to leave.

   “Hey where are you going?” I ask.

   “I’ going out to do my own thing for a couple hours while you hang out with Alice. Have fun!” He quickly runs out and shuts the door. Damn him.

   “Welp you’re stuck with me now. Well actually I am not that bad so we shouldn’t have any problems.” she grabs my arm and pulls me into her room, it is super neat and tidy. Also from what I know she likes Disney and elephants, also she is an excellent artist. 

   “Wow, your room screams ‘happiness’ and, pee wee's playhouse.”  she laughs and shakes her head.

   “What I like my room, it isn’t yours so you have no reason to complain.”

   “Who said I was complaining? I happen to really like Disney.” her eyes for some reason light up after I state that comment.

   “Really?” 

   “Sure I do.” she playfully narrows her eyes.

   “Are you lying?” I shake my head.

   “Nope, I , Logan Brigley, am telling you that I love Disney, especially Disney princesses.” that remark makes her laugh and i can’t help but to crack a smile. “So what are we going to do while Mr. Ryder is gone?”

   “Whatever I guess.” she sits on her bed.

   Whatever turned into me admiring her drawings, then she started teaching me the basics of drawing. I really enjoy her company, as she is a very sweet girl.

   I get a message from Adrian. I grab my phone and read it ‘You and Alice meet at BJ at 6:00’ it was 5:49… that asshole.

   “Hey Al, we gotta go meet your brother and probably his dumb friends at Brother Jonathan.” she looks at me after she grabbed her coat.

   “Why must you call his friends dumb? You only really know Jett.”

   “Well, not knowing them gives me the perfect reason to call them dumb.” she shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

   “You do you I guess.” we laugh then walk to Brother Jonathan as Adrian requested. 

   I see Logan and Alice walk up, they were laughing about something. Probably something pretty dumb. 

   “There you are, took you long enough.” I say, Logan rolls his eyes.

   “Oh no, we are one minute late, we are all gonna die!” Logan says in a sarcastic tone.

   “Just- you two shut up we have shit to do.” Kiana says while pushing me to go forward,

   “Oh yeah so we’re just gonna go walking around until late at night and we didn’t want to exclude you two.” It was supposed to be just Alice but I didn’t want to leave him with my mom and dad.

   “Wow, I am truly grateful that you are including me into your weirdo clan.” Alice nudges his arm.

   “Can you try to be nice? Just for tonight?” Logan sighs.

   “Ugh. Fine. i’m only doing it because you asked me.” she smiled and then kisses his cheek. Did she just kiss his cheek! Oh no. I am not allowing her to date or even like a selfish prick. I am so pissed at this, he’s just acting to fuck her behind Samantha’s back I know it, soon we’ll all see his smirk and that will be proof to his evil doings.

   Logan’s eyes widened, as everyone could see, the act actually  caught the boy by surprise.

   “Oh- I-I’m sorry, I’m used to doing it to Adrian so I just-” 

   “It’s fine, I don’t mind.” he gave her a kind smile. I am surprised and pretty sure my jaw dropped.

   Just to keep away from drama, I let it go. For now.

   The night goes on as we walk around and goof off. Honestly when Logan isn’t being an asshole he is a pretty cool guy, I would even say I would want to be friends with the nice Logan. Alice and him seem to get along and he is very nice to her, maybe if they did hook up it wouldn’t be a bad thing, he seems to be really nice to her. Maybe because she’s really nice to him. Nolan and Kiana walk off and Alice follows them, as for me, Logan, and Jett stay behind and chill out.

   “So I think someone likes someone’s sister hm?” Jett ays with a smirk. Here’s the moment he confesses that he is madly in love with her and I’ll have to give up my little sister to him forever.

   “Nah, she’s just a really sweet girl and just my friend.” 

   Holy shit. I was wrong. Maybe when he gets a mental break he isn’t bad at all. I like this side of Logan. We talk and joke around and just chill. I can really consider him as my friend now and I am liking it. After a while Nolan and Kiana run up, they both look terrified.

   “Woah are you two ok?” Jett asks. 

   “N-No. We aren’t ok!” Nolan yells. What in the world is wrong with them?

   “What happened then?” Logan asks not showing much interest. Kiana looks at me and I notice tears in her eyes. Did Alice and her get into another fight? She probably went home from it because she hates these kind of arguments.

   “Did you and Alice get into another argument?” 

   “Oh I wish they d-did!” Nolan yells.

   “Nolan!” Kiana yells.

   “Wait.. what does Nolan mean by that? Did it get physical?” Kiana looks at me, the tears starting to stream down her cheeks. I knew it. They can never get along and now they hurt each other. Great now I have to deal with her breakdown when I get home…

“Adrian… I wish it was that simple b-but… Alice… Alice is dead.”

End of Chapter Four


	5. All Decide to Walk Away... but One

I nearly pass out. I get dizzy and nauseous. I fall back and Jett catches me. She can’t be dead. My literal everything. My sanity. Has been ripped from me. What will I do without her? She was my happiness and joy.    
   “N-No.. It can’t be, she- she isn’t dead!” Kiana hugs me tight and I push her away.   
   “Adrian she’s dead and we can’t change that! Nolan and I thought she was right with us then we here a scream- then there she is in an alleyway nearby and there she is, shot in the head and dead!”    
   “Who did it! Who killed her!” I needed answers, my mind and soul screamed for the need of answers.   
   “We don’t know… she was alone and there was no evidence left behind..”   
   “Did you just- did you leave her there?”    
   “N-No! Of course not! The police were there right away- and now they’re are at your house I think telling what happened…” oh no. My father is going to blame this on me, who KNOWS how bad this beating will be! Kiana starts backing away. “I-I’m sorry Adrian, but I’m not staying here, I’m leaving!” what the hell? She can’t just leave! Well she can but that is not what a friend would do.   
   “What?? You can’t just leave!” she gives me a look that says ‘just watch’.   
   “I-I think I’ll be going with Kiana..” Nolan looks down and Kiana starts to walk away, nolan then follows her. I am surprised, hurt, ashamed of them.   
   “Hell of friends you guys are! My fucking sister dies and now you leave me! Good going!” I kick the curb holding back the urge to cry, my best friends are leaving me when I am about to break down. “At least I have Jett right?” I look at Jett who just walks past me. They all walk away. I yell a variety of cuss words then sit with my hands holding my head, I remember Logan just watched all of this.   
   “What are you going to do..? Leave me too…?”   
   That just kills me, I am overly pissed off at his so called friends, Alice gets murdered and they just leave him. Like what friends would do that? I am not even his friend and I feel so bad…   
   “No, I am not going to leave you. I may be an asshole but I am not heartless.” I sat next to him.   
   “I don’t even know who they are anymore...Kiana would have never left me..”   
   “I hate to say it but she did…” Who in their right mind would leave their own friend when they just found out his sister was murdered? It’s absolutely horrible.   
   “I NEED to know who had the fucking mind to kill that precious soul! I will search day- and night! Wh-When I find this person- I’ll kill them!” I put my hand on his shoulder.   
   “C’mon bud you need to calm down, you can’t break or you’ll never find the murderer.”   
   “L-Like you would give a fuck! You don’t give a damn or a single shit about anything then you all o the sudden act like you care! I bet you were just trying to get close to me so you could try to fuck up Alice! I would KILL you before you could even express that thought you no good fucking-” when he gets in my face I grab his arms and shove him back but still keep my grip, I feel tears brimming my eyes but I of course push them back. I can’t cry because of something I’ve heard many times before.   
   “Now listen here you assumption making idiot! I never wanted to bang your sister and never even got the thought of it- I got kicked out of my moms house because she doesn’t care about me when she has a boyfriend I- I didn’t even want to sleep over or anything but your mom made me because she had to give me repayment for when I saved your sister from getting hit by a damn car! Your sister is the ONLY person that treats me like a normal person! SHE was my FRIEND! Not just some girl i wanted to stick my dick into.” He looked at me with a face, his expression full of confussion and guilt.   
   “Now, that I have filled you in, remember when you asked me if I could actually help someone or once? Well, I am here now.” His expression changed to one unreadable. I wonder what he is thinking about, he lets out a laugh of disbelief. Is he really doing this right now?   
   “You have to be kidding.”   
   “I am not.”   
   “Alright alright, you got me, now beat the shit out of me and remind me of how pathetic and worthless I am so I can get to searching-” I pull him into a hug, not an awkward one, or half hearted, or a non caring cold and pathetic one. This was a full hearted hug, with warmth. I actually enjoyed it a bit myself.   
   “I promise. The biggest promise that I have EVER made in my damn life. That I will stay by your side and help you as much as I can, and never leave you until we find who took your sisters life from you. I am not lying. I am not kidding. I am not joking or fucking with you. Let me help you… Please.” he physically gets weak and falls to his knees crying, I sit by his side and rub his back.   
   “Is that a yes?” Adrian nodded, I muster a smile and stay with him until he calms down.   
   I get up and help the boy up, he staggers a bit and I keep him steady, I walk him home and he suddenly stops halfway there.   
   “You okay..?” he looks down.   
   “When you say that you’re never going to leave my side… do you mean always?” I give him a look, is he dumb? No. I go home, do whatever and go with him in the morning.   
   “When we’re searching, yeah.”    
   “C-Can you stay the night please..? I… I am scared… of what he might do to me if I return home alone…” I feel my heart sink, I feel so bad for him.   
   “Ok. If you want me to be. I will stay there with you. So he doesn’t hurt you.” he gives me a smile and it’s the nicest smile I have received from this boy. Soft and gentle.   
   “Thank you.. So much.” i nod and we return to the house, no one is there, his parents must me be at the police department or something. Adrian takes his shirt off and opens the door to his room throwing it in there. surprisingly for the guy I have ever seen do a single bit of P.E. he has a good amount of muscle.   
  I fix my spot on the couch then i am stopped.    
 “Hey I have a more comfortable loft bed in my room that i don’t use if you wanna use that instead?” I give him a look, his generosity scaring me a bit… well i bet it’s the same for him towards me.   
   “Um, are you sure? I mean, I’m fine right here if you don’t want me in there.”   
   “Dude if you’re gonna be stuck with me, I at least want you to be able to sleep comfortably.” I roll my eyes and sigh.   
   “Fine, only because you give me that for a reason.” I move my blankets and pillow to his room and I see the loft bed right next to the window, them his bed across the room.. I bet her sister slept in that loft sometimes.. I situate myself and Adrian closes the door.   
   “If they do return I want them to clearly know that I am asleep and don’t want to deal with their bullshit- Wait you’re okay with me closing my door right.” I nod and plug my phone into it’s charger.   
   “Yeah I’m cool with it, ain’t no biggy.” He smiles and crawls into bed.   
   “My sister would sleep there when she didn’t want to be alone… or right next to me… G-God I’m gonna miss my ray of sunshine so much…” This makes me want to cry..   
   “I’m… sorry man. It must hurt bad to lose the one person who was always there for you and made you happy…” he looks at me, staring off at the ceiling.   
   “Have you experienced this before..?”   
   “Yeah…” I sigh “I had an older brother.. He was pretty much me dad.. And my mom.. Always made sure I was fed, happy, healthy, and had a smile on my face… then he got into a car crash because of his drunk friends not letting him drive.. And getting him killed…” I let out a shaky breath.. I miss Caden so fucking much…   
   “I’m.. so sorry.. I didn’t know you have gone through this before..”   
   “No one but you and my mom know.. So keep me secret safe.” he nodded.   
   “I will. I promise.” he sings small tune, 

  
_ Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love but I guess _ __   
_ This avoids the stress of falling out of it _ __   
_ Are you tired of me yet? I'm a little sick right now but I swear _ __   
_ When I'm ready I will fly us out of here _ __   
__   
_ Ooooo, I'll cut my hair _ __   
_ Ooooo, To make you stare _ __   
_ Ooooo, I'll hide my chest _ __   
_ And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here _ __   
__   
_ Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo _ __   
__   
_ Turn off your porcelain face, I can't really think right now and this place _ __   
_ Has too many colors enough to drive all of us insane _ __   
_ Are you dead? Sometimes I think I'm dead _ __   
_ Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head _ __   
_ But I don't wanna fall asleep just yet _ __   
__   
_ Ooooo, My eyes went dark _ __   
_ Ooooo, I don't know where _ __   
_ Ooooo, My pupils are _ __   
_ But I'll figure out a way to get us out of here _ __   
__   
_ Get a load of this monster _ __   
_ He doesn't know how to communicate _ __   
_ His mind is in a different place _ __   
_ Will everybody please give him a little bit of space _ __   
_ Get a load of this trainwreck _ __   
_ His hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet _ __   
_ But little do we know, the stars _ _   
_ __ Welcome him with open arms

_ Ooooo, Time is _

_ Ooooo, Slowly _ __   
_ Ooooo, Tracing his face _ _   
_ __ But strangely he feels at home in this place

  
   He had tears streaming down his face, I remember Alice saying that was her favorite song. I feel horrible.. I get up and sit on Adrian’s bed side and I hold him close to me to comfort him. Without warning he holds onto me tightly, soon his grip loosens as he drifts off into a slumber.   
   I look at his face red from tears, then it suddenly becomes peaceful, I bet he’s in a love filled dreamland with Alice. I smile a bit and crawl back into my spot, I lay there and tiredness wipes over me quickly, and before I could get deep into my thoughts like usual darkness carries me til morning.                   
   Or so I thought.   
End of Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I have so far, I posted the first five chapters all at once because I was writing this while waiting for my invitation to archive. Hopefully you all like what I have done so far, if I go ghost on this, which I hope I don't, I give all my apologies.


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